there are some dvds in the ditch at the end of my front lawn
could these be the missing batman films?
no, it’s superman 3 and 4
theyre both superman 3 and 4
the plot thickens
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???
????????
i neglected to mention it in the original post, but the original dvd case i found only contained 1 dvd that included the films batman forever and batman and robin while the other 2 movies in the series batman and batman returns were missing
this morning i saw something in front of my neghbours house across the street from me
it was what looked like a dvd
again i thought
maybe its the missing batman films
or maybe its 3 dvds
oh
its 3 more copies of batman forever/batman and robin
great
WHO IS DOING THIS
no idea what this movie even fucking is
blu-ray this time? fancy.
what are these supposed to be
oh
well ive been meaning to see rogue one sometime
wonder if theyll still work
MY MOM IS BEING TARGETED TOO
so
i should probably be dating each update to this but i guess the original reblogs have their dates included
perhaps i could analyze the data and find a pattern
for now i have 2 more superman quadrilogies
interestingly enough inside one of the superman movie cases was actually 3 dvds
there was another copy of superman ¾
if you recall in a previous update i had already found 3 discs of superman ¾
the count has gone up to 6 superman ¾ discs while only just today finding 2 superman ½ discs
who owns these dvds all in bulk
why are they being separated only to be disposed of in pairs or threes in front of my house
im sorry this has been such an obscenely long post but i have a feeling its only going to get longer from here on out
I talked to the McElroys for 15 goddamn minutes and Griffin told my parrot to go fuck itself
Buckle up kiddos, this is a story for the ages
Last night, I went to the Chicago live show, and in short it was one of the best nights of my life. I laughed so hard I choked on my Fancy Theater Sprite™. Cosplayers frolicked amongst people in Shrimp Heaven T Shirts amongst people in their Sunday best.
Towards the end of the show, the boys traditionally asked for questions from the crowd, and immediately over 1000 hands shot up. I was up in the balcony, but I raised my hand anyways for kicks. No waving, no movement. My hand was a beakon, a goddamn lighthouse in the middle of a swarming see of desperate fans. Travis and I locked eyes. I felt my stomach drop.
“The person in the…purple hoodie?”
“You mean this?” I said as I stood and my crimson cosplay robe fell around my shoulders.
“Yeah!! Come on down!”
In a blur I made my way to the aisle as quickly as possible, people clapping me on the back and whispering “don’t mess up” all the while. My hands were shaking so bad that I couldn’t hold on to the railing as I climbed down three flights of stairs and walked down the aisle to the microphone.
And immediately caused someone to face plant into said microphone out of our combined clumsiness and panic (she was ok but boy shitting howdy do I feel bad). I waited for my turn slowly being consumed by blind terror. Everything I said was going to be forever embedded into podcast history for all of eternity. I Could Not Mess Up.
As they called me forward I mustered up every drop of comedic timing within me, every tactic of improv I could remember. I stepped up to the microphone. “So a little over a year ago, we bought a parrot, and it was, like, a cool pet…”
“yeah, AS OPPOSED TO THOSE SHITTY DOGS, RIGHT?” Griffin interjected. The crowd roared for what felt like years, until it was finally quiet enough for me to continue. Dead silence.
“Boys, now I have 7 parrots. Please help.”
In all my years, I will never forget the look on Griffin Andrew McElroy’s face as the realization hit him. It was like he was hit by a motherfucking monster truck, and the monster truck was being driven by my seven birds of the apocalypse.
For the next 15 minutes I talked to three of the coolest people alive as all four of us ragged on my 7 horrible, horrible birds. Highlights include:
“WHAT MADE YOU THINK, AFTER SIX GODDAMN BIRDS, THAT YOU NEEDED A SEVENTH?”
“YOU HAVE A FUCKING BIRD NAMED PIKACHU?”
“BIRD NUMBER 4 WAS LONELY?”
“FUCKSADIE”
It was the best night of my entire life and I physically cannot wait until the episode comes out.
while you were living under gender roles, i studied the blade
Men are on average more muscular than women and can wield heavier weapons more easily, so it’s a practical advantage for the woman to prefer the rapier and the man to prefer the longsword. Gender roles? I’d rather win than try to “rebel for rebellion’s sake” and lose.
surprise both swords were used in totally different time periods for totally different purposes and this is a joke post no one cares
Not to mention long sword vs. rapier. The rapier has more speed and precision then the long sword. The long sword is crazy heavy for a hand held weapon and would quickly die.
Several Of The Above Points Are Shit-Wrong And I’m Going To Tell You Why: A Point By Point Dissection By Me
Point 1: “Both swords were used in totally different time periods for totally different purposes.”
Partially right. A rapier is indeed suited to a different fighting style than a longsword. The slender, blade with a highly developed tip makes the rapier an amazing thrusting weapon, designed to pierce through the holes in chainmail or the seams between plates. They can be used to cut, but their primary focus is to thrust. A longsword, however, has a much thicker and heavier blade as well as a longer hilt that gives it the ability to be wielded in one OR two hands (it’s often referred to as a ‘hand-and-a-half’ sword because of this) enabling it the leverage and strength to cut (or bash, but that’s far less ideal as it could damage the blade) far more easily.
Rapier:
Longsword:
HOWEVER, there was at the very least a large period of overlap in the uses of longswords and rapiers. The difference in their utility (besides cutting vs thrusting, the longsword was largely a military weapon and the rapier was largely a civilian weapon and for dueling) saw to it that they could coexist. The longsword as we know it has been found to date back at least to the 14th century, if not earlier and was used in sporting duels and tournaments up until the 16th if not the 17th century (though its military use ended long before its sport use did). The rapier was first created (or at least first recognized by scholars as being created) around 1500 in Spain. Even if we take only the centuries during which they saw the most use (longsword = 14th-16th cent. and rapier = 16th-17th cent.) there was still a whole century of overlap.
Point 2: Rapiers are lighter than Longswords (and also the point that longswords are “crazy heavy for a hand-held weapon”).
This is wrong. Rapiers are, on average, around 2-ish lbs (1kg). Longswords are also, on average, around 2-ish lbs (1kg). This is for your STANDARD LONGSWORD, a hand-and-a-half sword that can comfortably be wielded in either one or two hands. Of course, both can reach higher or lower weights, but the top of the weight range for them tends to be around 4 lbs. The heavy fuckers you’re probably referring to are true 2-handed swords, such as the montante or the zweihander. Even then, they don’t get too much above 7 or 8 lbs. You know what weighs around 7 or 8 lbs usually? Most newborn babies.
(in order top to bottom: a 1-handed sword, a longsword, a montante)
For reference, other hand-held weapons? Shotguns run between 5 and 8 or more lbs. An M60 machine gun? Around 23 lbs. Handguns are between 2-4 lbs.
So yes, a longsword is heavy…when you’re comparing it to, like, a knife or to not wielding anything.
That’s a video-game-ism so that 1) you don’t feel like shit when you get wrecked by an opponent wielding a fuck-off huge sword and 2) they don’t have to program in proper form, technique, and handling of said sword.
Point 4: “Women can’t wield longswords.”
Really now?
(Have some more videos because tumblr won’t let me embed any more.)
Longswords just aren’t that heavy. They really are not. A good one balances in the hand and feels almost effortless to hold. They are a real pleasure to handle and I think everyone should get the chance to do so at least once just to understand what I mean.
Shitty wallhangers are fuckoff heavy, but that’s because they are made from crappy materials, are not properly shaped/tapered, are too thick, are poorly balanced so they feel even heavier than they are, and were never actually intended to be *used*.
Now, within the modern field of western martial arts women are often pushed towards rapier and subtly discouraged from longsword. The weight and strength issue is raised, and there is concern from their male opponents about women getting hurt–rapier thrusts tend to land softer because the blade flexes, while longsword cuts tend to leave more bruising and risk more damage, especially in organizations that have very different rules for rapier and longsword.
But as a woman who was pushed into rapier and smallsword for a decade before discovering that longsword was her true passion, I am glad to see people disputing this gender divide.
As a blacksmith and bladesmith.. thank you. Blades are never anywhere as heavy as people think. Also a long swords large pommel and guard on the hilt could be used to club like a mace or Warhammer when facing off against armoured individuals.
Also just like to point out that during that time period, genders we’re roughly the same size and both did physical labor.
THIS. ALL OF THIS.
It’s refreshing to see accurate sword information online.
If you ever feel like you must be the most unobservant person in the world, remember: I once spent half a year failing to notice that my new favourite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the Ukrainian mafia.
(I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but in retrospect, the fact that it was always dead no matter the time of day - I think the busiest I ever saw it was five people, myself included - well, that should have been a tipoff. Also, the waitstaff kept calling me “Mr. Prokopetz”, which I had assumed was just part of the restaurant’s gimmick, but given that “Prokopetz” is a Ukrainian surname, I’m now force to wonder whether they’d thought I was, you know, in the business. I just liked the pierogi!)
What I need to know is how on earth did OP finally realize his favorite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the mafia.
I’d like to say I put together the clues, but in reality, I just showed up one day to find that the place had been indefinitely shut down, and later learned it was because the managers had all been arrested.
What I really want to know is how good the food was?
Excellent, if your tastes run to the “heavy cream and too much garlic” end of the spectrum.
Every crime front I’ve ever eaten at has had completely amazing food, honestly. I am pretty convinced that if you want to open a front, you don’t choose “restaurant” as your front-business unless you have a relative who loves to cook.
It tickles me that this is evidently a sufficiently common experience that people find it relatable. (Seriously, check the notes!) We should write reviews or something.
did I just read the line “every crime front I’ve ever eaten at” with my own two eyes
Look, I went to college and lived my early adulthood in a town whose entire thing was import/export, and we had a lot of restaurants that were suspiciously empty except when they were closed and filled with very serious men in nice clothes.
They were usually run by someone who was about the right age to be some adult’s parents or grandparents, and in the case of the two Korean restaurants matching this description, they didn’t speak English. Universally though, they were very pleased to see customers, very proud of their cooking, and very very interested in keeping us far away from the aforementioned serious men in nice clothes. And despite having huge dining rooms and never having more than a couple customers, they never went out of business.
Also, because I am very, very stupid and sometimes don’t think before I talk, I once said loudly, over the phone, while sitting in one of these places, “Hey! Yeah if you want to meet us, we’re eating at [place]. You know…[place]? You totally know it. The Front, on Warwick st!”
The looks I got from every single employee were amazing and then I left.
We had a corner store/deli-place near our apartment in college. Everyone knew they were in on something and no one cared because they looked out for their customers and their neighborhood as a whole.
They started stocking my favorites because I mentioned them within hearing range once, would tell their “vendors” to move out of the way if we stopped in. I walked a different route home and got harassed one night and they asked after me. When they found out what happened, they declared “Consider it taken care of, you should never be afraid around here.” Never happened again.
Everyone needs their friendly neighborhood crime lord.
This is both my favorite and makes me fondly remember home. Less of the eateries, more of the mysterious retail joints that never seem to close despite no one ever buying anything, though. Well. Aside from the juice bar. Didnt last, though.
